My brother

Mar 31

i wrote a little thing on this thing that i call brother.i was wondering if you’d take a look at it and give me your opionion on it to see if i’m creative enough to do a book.?thanks and i know its rough it just came to me when i was bored on this.

 

well with everything that i’ve had to go through and on top of it all i’ve had to deal with this movie that i appered in called BROKE.I’ve never been one thats ever been put into a good situation so dealing with all the attention was something new to me.Some how thought i cant shake the feeling that i made the wrong choice.I’ve always be judged in the wrong way,and i cant help but shke the feeling that with this movie now that i’ll always be judged in that same way,but by just more people.In the movie i didnt exactly agree with the whole “self descriped” pschyopath thing.With that label in itself just makes me uncomfortable.since after all its not excatly what i wanted to be.What people dont seem to understand was i became one not in order to be cool or such but it was a way for me to survive the crap that other people put me through.The only person that was ever there for me in my life and also the only person that knew just how much pain i carried with me was my brother FARRELL.He was the only one that ever said that he was sorry for all the pain that “HIS”family put me through and he was the only person that knew of the personal war that was going on inside of me.We were the ying and the yang.For he was loved by all and smart,caring and all the things that i was never to be.I was everything bad that you could think of.But he was the only one that seen the battle i was going through inside of me and he tried to help me when i was younger by confronting me and telling me that i was i pschyopath.He was the only one that was scared for me and what was happening inside of me.W ith his help i was able to hold on to the little peice inside of me that i was trully was nice,but the one thing that i couldnt help my brother was the feeling that he was to blame for me slipping back to the darkness that was my life.he carried this burden for some time when he seen just how evil and bad i was first hand and he could believe his eyes.i tried to make him understand that i was doing what i did not for me but for the fact that he was in trouble and that if i didnt let go than people were going to hurt him and i couldnt live with myself if i allowed that to happen.my bother had an addtion to drugs and the people that are in that life arent exactly nice and understand ing when it comes to a person that owes money and such.i found out one day that he was one of these people that owed money to some others and there was a plan for that money to be collected.i couldnt and wouldnt allow for my only person that ever cared about to be mixed up and hurt so i made a choice and a decision to give up and allow the darkness to take over to help him and to make sure he was safe.funny thing was he found out what i did for him and was mad at me because i did what i did.he passed away shortly after that and when he did the good part of me also passed away with him.now after all these years i’m trying to get to bottom of my past and when i did this movie it said that the baggage i was carring was getting to me…and i didnt agree with that till recently when i remeber about my BROTHERi would change postions with him i would because i know that i never could be the person that he was.Do i feel remorse of what i did…no because i would of made the same desision to save him.the only remorse that i’ve ever felt was the fact that i became everything that he didnt want me to be.i’ve always been lost but for that little bit i had a brother and he was the only good thing that ever happened in my life and for that i’m proud to have known him and to say that he was my BROTHER.